Ways to Reach Desmond
Instagram & Tiktok: @littlestonetowers
Website: littlestonetowers.com
Email: littlestonetowers@gmail.com
About Desmond
DH: My name is Desmond Herzfelder, I am 20 years old, and my life has had many wonderful moments, and many dark ones. Having gone through depression from the ages of 12 to 15, I grew up with an intimate understanding of human struggle, and a persistent focus on trying to live a good and happy life
Writing
HS: What type of writing do you do? Do you have any published works?
DH: I write about navigating life, with an ever-reaching arm towards happiness. My writings generally resemble essays, focused on specific topics from my own life and how they relate to my well-being. Examples include strength, sociality, and sexuality, and each essay is a combination of analyzing how these topics exist in the world and their place in my life. As I grow my body of work, I intend to include creative writing, poems, descriptions, art, and music. Though I have been a long-time visual artist, I have never actually worked to share my writing until recently, when I started this platform and littlestonetowers.com. This website, as well as the Instagram and TikTok pages @littlestonetowers, are where we are beginning to share blog posts and personal videos.
HS: Why did you start writing? When did you start writing?
DH: Though I've been writing about mental health for years in talking with high school groups and organizations, I've only started publishing and sharing writing in just the past few months. I've always wanted to take this step, and there was no specific catalyst for doing so, other than the gradual building of courage until I finally realized this spring that I am ready to try.
HS: Who are your inspirations? What are your favorite books/genres?
DH: Though I imagine this refers to literary inspirations, I was actually inspired to write by LGBTQ leaders. Learning about their courage and the way that they used public vulnerability to help people, including myself, contributed to that slow-building bravery with which I finally took the step to write.
HS: If you suffer from it, how do you overcome writer’s block?
DH: In my current phase of writing, I typically write about the topics and obstacles which I am struggling with today, and as I am still in the early stages, for better or worse my problem tends to be lacking time before I reach a new mountain, rather than lacking mountains to write about. That being said, I have worked for hours on a single paragraph attempting to describe an idea which I for some reason can't put into words, even though it feels clear as day in my mind. In these situations, a good night's sleep, reviewing the larger structure of the piece, and turning to a different part for a while often helps. I usually find that the initial confusing section is so clear in my mind because its clarity rests on a lot of other complex thoughts, so by switching to another section, I can establish important context and put words to relevant ideas, then take that language and rework my first effort.
HS: What do you wish someone had told you about writing?
DH: Sometimes, trying to say something in a fancy way makes it sound so much less clear and less powerful than just saying what you mean.
HS: How do you get into the "mood" of writing?
DH: A lot of times I will start with pencil and paper writing down ideas - I think this helps me draw out a structure for my thoughts, and as a huge bonus, prevents me from getting distracted by technology.
HS: When starting a new book, what are your first steps?
DH: I'm not quite there yet, but I do hope to publish a book in the next two years! I plan first to write as much as I can, then figure it out from there!
HS: Briefly tell us about your book if you have one
DH: If we're playing the imagination game here, my book would be a combination of my reflective essays and scenes of my life related to the topics. Maybe one day! I do have a blog, Little Stone Towers (mentioned above), which is a platform where I am beginning to publish my writing.
HS: Anything else you'd like to add or share?
DH: In addition to my personal experience with mental health, my perspective is deepened by years of work in the mental health field, including multiple organizations, speaking to institutions about my own experience, working with LGBTQ+ groups, and four years at a suicide hotline, all of which have given me a deeply intimate view of human suffering and hope. As a Harvard student, I am currently studying (in part) the science of happiness, and have studied the field in many forms and modules throughout my academic career.
Mental Health
HS: Describe your mental health experience.
DH: I struggled with deep depression and intense anxiety from ages 12 to 15, and have dealt with anxiety off and on in the years since. To summarize my "mental health experience" so briefly is difficult. Though my whole life has been shaped by and at times dedicated to my mental health, I still think of my depression as being the most extreme and definitive time. It was hard. At its worst, painful, but far more often just sad. Not sad in that I was actually sad myself during that time, in fact, I frankly did not feel much at all during those years other than that I was lost. It was sad because I was not really living, and I knew it then and I know it now, and it is sad for someone not to be able to touch the world and feel it. Here you can find a video of my high school self recounting my experience: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIl1LG5Zj14 , And here is a brief excerpt from an essay, establishing my state of being at that time: As we stepped outside I heard the eyes-closed deep breaths of my classmates, while I exerted myself to put on a smile in the grey air. But I plodded on, past the tips of grass emerging from new mulch, under the light green buds on trees, around the reading student, and on. I saw it on their faces, a sort of contentment that comes from these mundane moments of peace, the everyday joys that people don’t even know they absorb. I couldn’t describe the difference between me and them, I didn’t realize these little gifts even existed, but I knew, somehow, that the people around me were connected to reality in a way that I only longed to be. All I wanted was to be happy. In part, for the experience, to learn what joy feels like and to live a life that contains it. And in another part, because of a creeping sense of danger—I was disconnected from the world and felt at risk of losing it.
HS: Why are you or why do you want to be an advocate for mental health?
DH: My stake in mental health started with my personal struggles. As my depression waned, having largely kept it hidden from the world, I thought that it could just be a phase. Something that I would lock away and forget and that would never define me. Then, in my sophomore year of high school, a classmate took their life. In the following months, I saw that from my experience I'd gained an understanding, a valuable understanding, of suffering. That was the catalyst for me to turn my focus on well-being outwards, and to work to help others. In the years since, this desire has only been compounded by that inescapable and scary realization that everyone, adults included, finds life bewildering and unnavigable at times. I've seen friend after friend, family member after family member, experience darkness and difficulty. And I've seen light grow and shine again and again. The composite of these experiences, along with the healing nature of working to spread life, wellness, and happiness, has made me an advocate for mental health.
HS: How are you trying to end the stigma of mental health?
DH: I am trying to end the stigma of mental health by talking about it, vulnerably and openly, when possible and when applicable. Showing people that it's okay to struggle, and it's undeniably human.
HS: Why should mental health be talked about within the community?
DH: Mental health should be talked about in part because we all struggle, and to live honest lives without the tightly wrapped tourniquet of hiding our failures and weaknesses would allow us all to breathe at least a little bit lighter. In addition, the stigma surrounding mental health contributes to the immense fear and difficulty of reaching out for help. At least in my view, reaching out is arguably the most significant step one can take when struggling, but for many of us, reaching out is almost unthinkable because it often coincides with admitting to oneself those "failures" and fallings. By speaking openly about mental health, we can lower that barrier to help others find greater acceptance and courage within themselves and to talk a little bit more easily when in need.
HS: If you yourself suffer from a mental illness, how do you deal with it each day? What are some of the methods you use?
DH: Again, there are endless ways in which I have approached and attempted to approach my daily mortal effort to be happy. For a summary of some of my key strategies, you can look here: https://annemoss.com/2021/01/01/concrete-strategies-that-helped-me-work-through-my-teen-depression/
Mental Health In Writing
HS: Do you generally write about topics related to mental health? If so, how does this form of expression affect your ability to deal with your or your loved one's mental health struggles?
DH: Yes, that has been the focus of my recent writing and I intend for that to remain. I explicitly write about topics that I am challenged by in life, and I find that writing does help clarify thoughts. In part, I put words to the feelings, so that I can talk about them at another time. And in another part, I am simply setting aside time to think through the pieces of life which perplex me.
HS: If you personally struggle with your mental health, do you find that writing (about mental health or just in general) helps you cope with it?
DH: You can see above for my answer - yes! Especially in moments of anxiety where I don't have an immediately accessible friend, or to clarify thoughts and release emotions before I plan to talk to a friend. I will note that, in my experience, large changes in life happen gradually through daily efforts. So while writing has been a tool for identifying challenges and releasing anxiety in difficult moments, widespread effort on other things like human connection, sleep, and structure, have been the most impactful in my life.
HS: Does your or your loved one's mental health get in the way of your writing? If so, how?
DH: Certainly. In anxious and tiring periods, it is difficult to find the time to work towards these seemingly voluntary goals.